Cape Cod Weddings
Judith Todd-McNichol
Justice of the Peace
Massachusetts
Justice of the Peace, Reverend Judith Todd-McNichol D. D.
137 South Pond Drive, Brewster, MA 02631
Please call Judith Todd-McNichol to set up an appointment at:
508-896-9898 or
Couples who have had a Small Wedding and now Want a Larger Service
Renewals After A Change In Your Relationship
What Makes This ceremony Different
An Irish Renewal Ceremony/Or Loving Cup Ceremony
How Often Should You Have A Renewal?
Renewal of Vows Ceremony that can include a Special Prayer
Maybe you had a Large Wedding and now want something more Personal, Romantic, and Intimate
Vow Renewal Invitation Wording
Rings something Old or something New?
Reverend Judith Todd-McNichol is an author, teacher and clergy person who specializes in matters of the heart and soul. As an ordained interfaith minister, a non-denominational Reverend, and as a state wedding officiant, it is her honor to regularly marry couples and renew their vows.
Allow you to have the ceremony you always wanted.
Allow you to celebrate a new stage in your relationship.
Allow you to put a focus on how your life has been enriched by your marriage.
Allow you to put a new focus on your marriage.
Allow you to celebrate a special anniversary and the love of your life.
Allow you a ceremony where your children and grandchildren can see by your example how special your marriage and your partner is to you both.
Allow you a spiritual toast to years well lived and loved together, and it says I would do it all again, “I love you.”
Renewals and recommitments are often associated with special wedding anniversaries, but are appropriate at any stage of your marriage.
It is sometimes especially relevant for a couple who may have been through a period of difficulty in their relationship and is an opportunity show they truly want to renew their commitment to one another.
A renewal ceremony offers couples the opportunity to reaffirm their commitment to each other in a personal and meaningful ceremony. You may want a totally romantic private ceremony, just the two of you, or you may decide to renew your marriage promises in front of your family and friends, and make it a life event.
Whatever you decide, you will be given the opportunity to choose your own ceremony so that it will be a very deeply personal and truly memorable occasion.
All ceremonies are of either a civil or non-denominational religious nature. Neither the renewal ceremony nor any document issued following the ceremony has any legal significance and as such is not legally binding.
The ceremony will be conducted by myself I will not be acting in any legal or state official capacity. However, I will be offering my help, advice and expertise to make your ceremony an enjoyable and heartfelt event.
One of the great tragedies of our time is that most marriages are tragically short-lived.
Most adventurers have been through several "true loves", and several have been married several times.
The numbers of couples who are still together even two or three years after their wedding is only a fraction of those who were married.
The Vow Renewal is a truly lovely ceremony that can reconfirm a couple's commitment, and help the marriage remain strong.
The are different types of Vow Renewals:
Couples who have had a Small Wedding and now Want a Larger Service
If you were one of those couples who married quietly, and now wishes to have the large ceremony, there is no need to plan anything different. You should feel free to plan the wedding you always wanted, in whatever style and with whatever accoutrements you choose.This is used by those couples who have a very small wedding, usually eloping, and who wish to have a more formal ceremony later.
There is no set time that this ceremony can take place, though the first wedding anniversary is always a nice date.
This type of ceremony is often chosen by those who could not have a large wedding at the time and they who did not wish to wait; they choose to go ahead and marry in a small ceremony, and then reconfirm their vows with the huge blowout when they are ready and able.
Others choose to wait to give the marriage a chance to establish itself.
The another type of Vow Renewal is for those couples who have been married for a very long time, and simply wish to renew that commitment, no matter what type of wedding they may have had. This type of ceremony is traditionally held on the wedding date.
I encourage all couples who have been married for several years to celebrate that fact.
Marriages, like flowers in the garden, need nurturing, and the Vow Renewal ceremony will remind you of why you did this in the first place, and how your abiding love has been your foundation over the years.
The type of celebration you plan will depend on who you are as a couple and why you are choosing to renew your vows.
Here are some suggestions for lovely vow renewal ceremonies:
The ceremony could be
held in the same place as the first wedding, or in any area that a
wedding ceremony might normally be held. The focus will be on renewing
your commitment, or bonding your souls for life, rather than on a new
relationship. You should consider modifying several "traditional"
wedding trappings: have a group of dear friends stand with you rather
than one or two honor attendants; include any children of the union in
your ceremony; forgo a traditional processional, etc. Speeches,
blessings, etc. should focus on hopes for the continued strength of the
marriage. Though you can still have formal clothes or casual. This will
definitely be different than your first wedding.
Only a
small number of close friends and family members will be invited to
this, and it could be held in the couple's home or anywhere quiet and
close. The party tents can also be rented for these ceremonies, and the
couple's home can provide space and food and drink in most cases. The
focus in these ceremonies is the couple themselves. If a couple has
been married two or three years, they will often prefer to mark their
anniversaries with such a gathering. Nothing overly elaborate need be
done; the couple can restate their vows, exchange a few gifts and say a
few words. Guests can be encouraged to give toasts and short speeches.
The atmosphere should be warm and casual, and should celebrate your
marriage.
If you don't want to do anything overly "ceremonial", or don't want your friends to feel that they have to bring gifts, you can just throw a party.
Any of your friends that you would normally socialize with will be invited over. Lots of food, drink, dancing and merriment could take place, with the emphasis on just enjoying yourselves. These types of gatherings are still useful to remind you of the wonderful gift of this long marriage, and if you really want to do something spontaneous, make it a surprise party and remind your guests on arrival what day it is!
Marriages that last should be celebrated in whatever way makes the couple happy. They should be held up as the standard for other couples, for family, and extended community and should serve as a reminder that love...properly nurtured...can last and last.
Top of pageRenewals After A Change In Your Relationship
Over the course of time, every relationship goes through changes and stages of evolution. In a marriage, there may be hard times such as periods of illness or estrangement. Some couples grow and change together happily over a period of years. Many couples choose to embrace these changes and reaffirm their love for one another by way of renewing their vows with a second wedding ceremony.Renewing wedding vows offers many wonderful benefits for married couples.
It is a time for them to reflect upon the meaning of their relationship and the bonds of love not only for each other but for those gathered to share in their celebration.
It is also a way to include children and grandchildren ceremonially in your union.
A couple might choose to renew their vows to celebrate a significant anniversary, such as the tenth or twenty-fifth.
Your ceremony should be a reflection of who you really are and what your union means to both of you. It can be as formal or casual as you wish, reflect your original ceremony or be its own distinct celebration.
Vow renewals are considered to be more a spiritual occasion than an official one. The renewal of vows can take place in any setting imaginable, from a church to a vacation destination to the couple's home, and the event is often hosted by the couple themselves.
The
couple does not register for gifts and guests do not bring them unless
the event follows an elopement or civil ceremony, or marks special
anniversary.
What Makes this ceremony Different
Since the couple is "man and wife" and not "bride and groom", a few details of the ceremony are different.
The father of the wife does not give her away, but he may escort her down the aisle and place her hand in that of her husband.
The wife usually does not wear a veil, unless she is wearing her original gown and veil, but it is considered appropriate (but not necessary) at any age for her to wear white.
In a wedding vow
renewal ceremony there is not usually the traditional wedding party
(i.e. bridesmaids or groomsmen) but the couple may ask their original
wedding party to stand up with them if they so choose. Frequently it is
the couple's children and grandchildren or other significant family
members or friends from relationships developed over the course of the
marriage who stand up with them as they take their renewed vows.
Renewal
vows reflect on your years together, through the good times and bad,
and think of the ways in which your spouse has come been a support for
you and how you have overcome obstacles together, and the good times
and special events of the years.
Try to write down these thoughts, try to include specific memories and the emotions they hold for you.
For instance children, grandchildren, special trips, homes, travels, obstacles you have overcome together, jobs etc.
Follow this with your hopes for the future and how you will continue to grow and change together in the years ahead.
Renewing your vows is a deeply meaningful way to renew and refresh the bonds of love within a marriage, and to share that love with others in your life together. Above all else, it should be an expression of the unique joy of your life together.
Top of pageAn Irish Renewal Ceremony -Or Loving Cup Ceremony
Loving Cup ceremony, much like those in other cultures where the couple sip sacramental wine during the exchange of vows. The words to the ceremony are as follows:
"And now please drink to the love you've shared in the past years."
(The couple sip from the cup)
"Drink to your love in the present, on this your recommitment / anniversary day."
(The couple sip from the cup)
"And drink to the love you will share in the future and forever more."
(The couple sip from the cup)
When you marry, you make a commitment, intending it to be for a lifetime.
You have a set of goals and you start off in the same direction.
You open your hearts to one another and you start your journey together as partners in a legal and loving union.
When you renew your vows you both re-establish this intention, and review the things and times you have shared, and look forward to more years together.
You identify and set new goals, which enhance and add to the original goals in your marriage. Goals that fit the changes you have been through together and look forward to in the future.
You also reopen your hearts and minds and spirits to create a new beginning of closeness, commitment, passion, and caring for one another.
This can assist you in moving forward as a team in life, still facing the same direction.
How Often Should You Have A Renewal?
I recommended that this happen at least every five years.
Ideally this would be an annual event.
In business we review it's direction to continue it's success, so too does your marriage deserve the same attention.
We know that health is easier to maintain than illness is to cure. Renewal is one easy step to maintaining a healthy marriage.
Renewal of Vows Ceremony that can include a Special Prayer
Welcome:
Dear family and friends, welcome to the renewal of vows for ________ and ________. We are glad you have come to celebrate with us.
Marriage is the way you chose _______________ years ago, to express and live your love in a committed legal relationship. Today you are here to renew your commitment to each other and to share with us the celebration of your love.
Reading:
Robert Browning has written these lines: "Grow old along with me! The best is yet to be; the last of life, for which the first was made."
New Start:
This is the beginning of a new start. Once again you have set your focus on the next phase of your learning of who each of you are, in the presence of one another. You are setting the direction that your life together will be taking.
Today you renew and acknowledge your greatest gifts in life, your love, your support and your caring for each other. Your partnership of the heart is reaffirmed, cherished and held in highest esteem. We honor you for your ongoing commitment to your marriage and each other.
Here is a prayer that can be included:
Let us pray; Lord, we thank you for this couple and all that has led them to this day. As they renew their vows before You, assist them in living their promise every day. If dark shadows come their way, shine Your light upon them, so that they may carry out their commitment to one another. We thank them for being an example of loving to all of us. Be with them in every moment. Guide them to infinite love, total health, unlimited joy and perfect peace. We give thanks.. Amen.
Vows:
(Vows may be recited together or separately. Personal vows may be written and inserted .)
"I commit myself, once again, to our life together, honoring and loving your mind, your body and your spirit, as well as my own. I will continue to be your loving, and faithful partner, from this day forward."
Rings:
These rings represent the love you have given to each other and will, as the rings encircle your finger in the endless embrace of love in your marriage.
"With this ring, I honor you as my mate and promise to continue to honor, love and cherish you as such.
I promised you once my love would grow and here I am again. I open my heart to you this day, my dearest and trusted friend. Now I know your strengths and your weaknesses too. I choose gladly over and over to spend the rest of my life with you."
May this ceremony today bring you even closer to each other. May this open new doors and allow new avenues for making your special contribution to the world. May the foundation that you have laid be ever strong. May your hearts stay open. May your words be loving and your actions support the highest good for your union as a married couple.
Declaration:
__________ and __________ you have come today to honor your commitment to each other and the path you have chosen. You have spoken the words and opened your hearts. It is with greatest pleasure that I declare your marriage has been renewed and celebrated. You may kiss.
Maybe you had a Large Wedding and now want something more Personal, Romantic, and Intimate
Many people chose to
renew their vows because they were so caught up in the planning and the
partying of their first wedding, they felt the focus of the day was
taken off of the actual ceremony itself. Renewals tend to be intimate
celebrations, with close family and friends present, and a celebration
party afterwards.
Vow Renewal Invitation Wording
If you are hosting it yourself:
The honor of your presence
is requested during the reaffirmation of the wedding vows of
Name and Name
Date
Address
Or Please join us as we renew our wedding vows and celebrate 5 years together etc.
If your children are hosting it:
The children of
Name and Name
Request the honor of your presence
at the vow renewal ceremony of their parents etc.
There are many reasons for couples to renew their wedding vows - and it makes a wonderful gift to give your parents too! It tells your parents how much you honor their union.
Renewal ceremonies are
often given as gifts by children to their parents as a way of saying
thank you or even in return for all the time and expense the parents
put into their wedding.
The primary reason marriages fail is because the romance withers away. Over the years, grievances and hurts add up and it can be difficult to find a way to leave those feelings all behind. A renewal of vows ceremony is both a re-affirmation and a renewal , and mistakes and regrets can be left behind.
Rings something Old or something New?
They are also used as an occasion when a married couple "upgrade" their wedding rings now that they can afford to do so. Maybe they add an anniversary ring. Or they just cherish their original set even more.
A renewal of vows ceremony is an excellent opportunity to involve the
children - young or old - in the ceremony via lighting the unity
candles, exchange of roses etc.
Vows, whether for a first wedding ceremony, or those for a marriage renewal ceremony, should reflect the heart, soul, and emotions of you both as a couple.
The combination of
these three elements should be woven into your vows to reveal what the
relationship has been, is, and will become. I will do my best to help
you both do this.
Who knows what deep and profound times will be
shared by the both of you while preparing these vows. After all, that
is what a marriage should be...the fusing of two souls into one.
Example:
"Before
these witnesses, I, _____, want you, ______, as life’s mate. The love
you have given me unconditionally has reached into my heart and taken
my soul captive. I have known no other love like yours and I joyously
recommit myself to you, as I did ____ years ago. I will share with you
all the good and all the bad of life, all the laughter and the tears. I
will rejoice in your strengths and help you develop them and I will
encourage you and love you in spite of any weaknesses you may have. I
will love you the rest of my life, because it is my choice to do so.
This is the covenant I make with you my dear one."
You are on Cape
Cod, after ____ years of marriage. Name and Name, you’ve decided to
renew your commitment to each other in marriage. Today you’re pledging
your love again in this union.
Think for a moment of the caterpillar. He begins life as a lowly, uninteresting little creature shackled to the ground. But he’s transformed by an extraordinary metamorphosis ,which even the scientists do not fully understand, into an exquisite and fragile butterfly. In a similar way, your relationship has been changing. You are no longer just two good friends as you were before marriage. You have been transformed into one. Marriage has caused the merger of your two separate lives into a union where you take joy in sacrificing for the other and are deeply dedicated to the common good of your partnership.
Why do you love?
Have you thought about why you wanted to get married? Take a moment, and gaze into each others eyes. What is it that you first saw there that captured your soul? What spark, what love, what beauty have you found in those eyes that has made you into a better more loving person, who is able to give so openly to your spouse?
Do you remember when you first met? When you first kissed? Can you recall the moment when you allowed your lover to turn your life and your heart totally upside down?
Now, today, you have come through many struggles and personal victories over the years and you bring all of these emotions with you today as you repeat your vow of love for each other. Today it is your desire to re-ignite the flames of your commitment, emphasizing again that you have not forgotten what it was that first brought you together. Today, you move further down that road which you want to last a lifetime. That’s your hope, your desire and your commitment today.
Love is a Verb:
Now I don’t have to remind you that there will never be a perfect marriage. You know full well that it takes a lot of love AND a lot of work to make a good marriage, and sometimes you have had to sacrifice your own desires or needs for the betterment of your marriage. Some couples tend to think of marriage as a fifty fifty proposition. But the best relationships are usually ninety ten. If in the future you both will give
Ninety percent you will have a formula likely to bring both of you a lifetime of happiness.
Let me remind you that love is a verb. It’s not just a state of being but an action verb. It’s not just how you feel about each other, but what you DO for each other that will keep your relationship growing and alive.
When you don’t feel like being loving, think about how you would like to be treated. When you sense that you are being ignored, learn how to listen to your partner’s needs. When your feelings are hurt, don’t turn inside. Instead, cultivate the great art of forgiving as well as being able to say you’re sorry. Expect the best from your lover even when they’ve disappointed you in the past. Give what you want to get, and you’ll continue to transform your house into a home where love thrives.
Sandberg Poem
Poet Carl Sandburg captured the essence of a growing and maturing love when he wrote:
“I love you. I love you for what you are, but I love you yet more for what you are going to be. I love you not so much for your realities as for your ideals. I pray for your desires, that they may be great, rather than for your satisfactions, which may be so hazardously little.
“A satisfied flower is one whose petals are about to fall. But the most beautiful rose is one, hardly more than a bud, wherein the pangs and ecstasies of desire are working for larger and finer growth. Not always shall you be what you are now. You are going forward toward something great. I am on the by your side and always with you. I love you.”
His Vows:
Do you Name, continue to take Name, as your wife and will you continue to love and cherish her, giving her assistance in all of life’s labors? Will you continue to be true to her both in sickness and health, when things are going well and when there are difficulties? And will you be faithful to her as long as you both shall live? If so, you may answer, I will.
Flower Gift
Name as you give Name your wife these flowers, let the beautiful & fragrant flowers that you have given to Name remind you of the beautiful and fragile nature of your relationship with her. Cherish her as your own while time allows.
Her Vows:
Do you, Name, continue to take Name, as your husband and will you continue to love and cherish him, giving him assistance in all of life’s labors? Will you be true to him both in sickness and health, both when things are going well and when there are problems? And will you be faithful to him as long as you both shall live? If so, you may answer, I will.
Flower Gift:
Name, let the beauty & fragrance of the flowers which you give to your husband Name remind you always of this day when you committed yourself to be his bride. Cherish him as your groom and remember like flowers love is a beautiful and delicate gift to be cared for.
Her Ring
Name, look for a moment at the ring that is the lasting public symbol of your vows to Name?
Name, let this ring continue to symbolize your willingness to keep growing in your love of Name.
Touch this ring on Name ‘s hand, (or place a new ring on) symbolically giving it to her again and repeat after me as you make these vows to her:
"From this day on, I (Name), recommit myself to you (Name) as my wife.His Ring
Name, touch the ring that you have given to Name as the lasting symbol of your love.
The ring is a circle it symbolizes an enduring love. (Name), let this ring remind you of your lifelong commitment to (Name).
Touch the ring on (Name)’s hand and repeat after me as you make these vows of recommitment to him:
“From this day on,
I (Name), recommit myself to you (Name),as my husband.
I will continue to love you,
I will continue to cherish you,
I will continue to be true to you,
No matter what comes into our lives.
Whether we are rich or poor,
Or if there is sickness or health,
I'm committed to stay with you as long as we both shall live,
and this ring is a symbol of my recommitment of marriage to you."
Now that you Name and Name have openly renewed your wish to remain united in marriage, and as you have made these promises to each other before these witness, and have given each other rings to reconfirm your vows;
I, Judith
Todd-McNichol, by the power & authority given to me as a minister/
Justice of the Peace, do affirm that the two of you have today
expressed your desires to always rekindle your love and passion and
renew your vow of marriage. So from this moment on, let all know of
your desire to continue for a lifetime as husband and wife. You may
kiss the bride.
Introduction
Good relationships like fine wine, they get better with age. We learn how to work closer and in more unison pulled together to do so by love. Name and Name you’ve now been married ____ years; and today you come to renew your vow and commitment of love for each other here on the lands of Cape Cod.
Marriage satisfies of your need and desire for companionship, history, support, love and fulfillment. But we know that there will never be a perfect marriage. As you continue in your relationship, I’m sure you understand that it takes a lot of love and sometimes a lot of work to make your relationship work properly.
“If you love someone you will be loyal to him or her no matter what the cost. You will always believe in him, always expect the best of him, and always stand your ground in defending him. Your intention is to love this person at all times, especially when it is hard.”
Great words for us to live by.
Don’t let the sun set when you find that you have become angry. Talk things out. Makes things right with each other quickly, before the sun disappears into the horizon if you can. That’s the best way to keep little misunderstandings from growing into relationship killing problems. Good communications and open discussions.
Not always shall you both be what you are now. You are both going forward toward something greater.
Husband and Wife say;
“ I am on the way with you and . . I love you.”
Introduction
Name and Name you have arrived here on Cape Cod in this beautiful setting, so that you could publicly recommit yourselves to each other in marriage.
God invented marriage.
He created it because He looked into the future and saw what your needs
and your desires would be for companionship, love and fulfillment. But
God also knew that no marriage would ever be perfect.
The Bible and Marriage
Here are a few of the things that Bible has to say about marriage:
"Each man should have his own wife, and each woman should have her own husband... Since they are no longer two but one, let no one separate them, for God has joined them together.
“Give honor to
marriage, and remain faithful to one another in marriage. Husbands
ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies... Each man
must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must also respect
her husband.” (1 Cor. 7:2; Matt. 19:5-6; Heb. 13:4; Eph. 5:28,33)
defending him.”
"God in heaven above please protect the ones we love. We honor all you created as we pledge our hearts and lives together.
We honor mother-earth - and ask for our marriage to be abundant and grow stronger through the seasons;
We honor fire - and ask that our union be warm and glowing with love in our hearts;
We honor wind - and ask we sail though life safe and calm as in our father's arms;
We honor water - to clean and soothe our relationship - that it may never thirsts for love;
With all the forces of
the universe you created, we pray for harmony and true happiness as we
forever grow young together. Amen."
Introduction
We are assembled here to celebrate the renewal of wedding vows made by (Wife) _____________ and (Husband) ________________ # of ________years ago. There are no obligations on earth sweeter or more tender than those you have assumed. There are no vows more solemn than those you are about to renew.
Will you please face each other and join hands?
(Husband): Will you continue to love (Wife) __________________ for the rest of your life? Will you continue to comfort her, through good times and bad, in sickness and in health, honor her at all times, and be faithful to her? (Answer: I will.)
(Wife): Will you continue to love (Husband) _______________ for the rest of your life? Will you continue to comfort him, through good times and bad, in sickness and in health, honor him at all times, and be faithful to him? (Answer: I will.)
(Husband and Wife) ____________ and _____________, I would have you remember: To love is to come together from the pathways of your past and then move forward, hand in hand, along the uncharted roads of your future, ready to risk, to dream, and to dare together. You have had ________ years of a wonderful marriage or you wouldn’t be here today.
Congratulations. We wish for you both a lifetime of love, friendship, companionship, and commitment.
Congratulations! You may kiss your bride.
(The renewal couple can use any of the above ceremonies
or write their own any way they wish, or I will be happy to personalize one juts for the two of you.)
Few things more rekindle a marriage than a formal renewal of marriage vows. Remember no license is required for this and congratulations.
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Todd McNichol
Judith Todd-McNichol
508-896-9898
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